First- here's what I mean by symptom hole:
You've felt the joy shift, and the experiences that used to make you happy now give you nothing, mediocre experiences make you miserable, and on down the line. Hopefully you've sought help and got a diagnoses from a Doctor (a real one, WebMD doesn't count), but if you're stubborn like me you probably haven't. Either way, you're clearly experiencing something and you feel really weird.
The weirdness tends to spiral downwards. You start off thinking you're just going through a rough patch, then you lose interest in things you used to love- and generally you find yourself just coasting or just sitting around in your free time. You don't try as hard in work or school or whatever, cause what's the point? Pretty soon you start to see some consequences from not keeping up with life- you fail a test, your boss calls you in to see if you're ok after you are sick for several days in a row, your significant other wants to "talk about us" a lot more, etc. This sends you on a spiral of increasing anxiety, motivation crisis, and you stop taking care of larger and larger portions of your life. You may wonder why life is so terrible right now, and you probably have actual legitimate reasons for feeling bad at this point- maybe you got fired, maybe you got dumped, maybe someone you love died, whatever. Experiences affect brain chemistry just as much as random deficiencies do- the cause is of little import at this point. You're in a hole, a rut, a mire, you're having a breakdown, a crisis, or a meltdown. Whatever you want to call it you're clearly screwed.
Here's how to get out:
When you have no joy producing chemicals, or even just less than normal- you're motivation is shot. Everything is 100x harder- taking a shower is like being asked to run a marathon, going to work is like climbing Everest, and social situations are actually impossible. It doesn't matter that these activities are physically easy, because your brain doesn't have the correct chemical capacity to get your physical body to expend energy properly. You know getting a shower is easy and you should have no problem doing it, and you're right! If you weren't sick, you wouldn't have any problem. Just because your symptoms aren't physical, but mental and emotional, doesn't mean you don't have a physical malady.
This is step one. Accept that you are sick, and stop beating yourself up over it. No amount of willpower will increase Serotonin and Dopamine production in your brain- that's like trying to use sheer power of mind to cure cancer. It might get you through the day for awhile, but you will eventually need to find a way to get rid of the cancer.
Step two is to start small. Maybe facing the day is impossible, but sitting up in bed while you watch Netflix isn't. Ask yourself- what's something I can do? Once you've binge watched your favorite show for a while you might even have have the motivation to do something else hard- like take a shower and get dressed. If you don't, no worries. Netflix has lots of hours of things to watch, just don't go backward unless you absolutely have to. The idea is to do small, possible tasks, starting with the most basic and working outward. Maybe that shower gives you the motivation to do some dishes, or eat a healthy breakfast full of brain food. Maybe that action gets you to drive to work or school. Maybe then your brain starts getting more of the chemicals it needs because of all your positive effort. Maybe not, too- so feel free to stop the effort if you need to. Celebrate the victories, however small. You aren't trying to impress others with this (clearly- there isn't an Olympic event for Netflix binges), you are trying to increase the good chemicals in your brain by activating the electrical impulses along thought paths with positive chemical results. It will seem stupid, but so does swallowing a bad tasting pill to get rid of a headache if you don't understand the processes behind it. I once made a cake to celebrate the fact that I walked all the way to class before turning around at the door and going straight back to bed. I made it to class the rest of that week.
Step three: Build momentum when you can, relax and rebuild when you can't. If you're in deep, severe symptom spirals, it doesn't make sense to expend huge amounts of mental effort for small gains. That's like buying stock when it's way up- it's not likely to pay off. Better to spend your effort in places that will make things better in the future. Spend the little energy you have on taking care of yourself and your family, and work outward until you can't anymore. Then stop, and relax.
Sometimes you will have days where things seem "normal" again. Maybe you and your doctor found the right combination of treatments and things are going to improve from then on, or maybe you're just having a good day. Regardless- be sure to take advantage. Get as much done as you can. Use all the motivation you have until it's gone. You'll be amazed at yourself, and that helps build positive momentum, and improves your brain chemistry. One of the biggest blessings of my life has been learning how to "make hay while the sun shines." I'm really good at it, and you will be too if you practice.
Here's an example of how this strategy works for me, written as if you were in my head:
Wake up. Not happy, thinking about facing the day sounds impossible. Mope for a minute, then think of something I can do, rather than something impossible. I can sit up- that's the only thing that sounds possible. Much effort, but I am now sitting up. What else can I do? Maybe a walk to the bathroom isn't so bad, plus I can bring my phone and play a game on it while I wait for the shower to heat up. SHOWER?! I CAN'T SHOWER THAT'S TOO HARD! THAT MEANS FACING THE DAY! relax, you don't have to shower. Just turn it on to feel the steam and play on your phone. Pretty soon its steamy in the bathroom, and a shower sounds ok, at least the water will be warm. Ok, a shower, then back to bed. .... .... ok, the shower feels nice, but I'm getting bored. May as well get dressed, I did shower after all. EH, I don't feel so terrible anymore, I can probably have breakfast, and after that I can decide what to do. Breakfast was good, I feel ok. I can drive to work, driving is easy, plus- if I don't feel well, I can always just drive home and let my boss know while I'm at it. He'll like that I showed up, even if I don't stay. Well, I'm at work. I don't feel terrible right now, and I don't have to talk to anyone if I just sit at my desk. I can probably work today if I text Katie a lot, plus I only have one meeting to get through, and I'll go out for lunch as a reward. I DID IT. THE WHOLE DAY IS DONE AND NOW I GET TO GO HOME. BAM! NETFLIX AND A NAP HERE I COME. I'll do a couple dishes before Netflix time, maybe a load of laundry too since I'm on such a roll today. Whew, now I'm tired. Netflix and a nap.
Even if things don't go perfectly, with this mindset you can retreat anytime you feel you can't go on without getting down on yourself. You met all your goals, no matter how far you made it towards a normal day. Maybe all you can muster is to roll over and call in sick, but hey- that's something! It takes practice, but after a while you will get better at doing more with less energy, and you will find that you get through more bad days unscathed by the consequences of not taking care of yourself.
Great stuff man!
ReplyDeletethanks man, hope you're doing well
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